T.I.T.S (5-6 Nov)
Our 2012 trek down to Southampton for the Tournament In The South (TITS) rode off the considerable success of the 2011 tournament in which GKT first got a piece of the action. The force was strong with GKT as we headed down to Southampton with two full hockey teams kitted out in Jedi attire. It was after we arrived and demolished a delectable curry that tradegy would strike. As Jet and Megan fell victim to The Goon, Cpt Jack fell victim to the dark side of gin, and Clowns fell victim to a destructive game of La Di Da, we descended into the wretched hive with scum and villainy that was Jesters. Needless to say, a hazy but delightful night pursued.
However, after Jesters struck us down, GKT became more powerful than TITS could possible imagine, and after a night of close quarters and a breakfast of much bacon, we arrived at the pitches in full force. Kicking our hangovers, GKT embraced the TITS spirit and joined the other universities in properly debaucherous hockey in which the infamous flabongo took flight, freshers found true love and weren’t raped at all, the dance craze called ‘the Pidgeon’ swept the nation, the Baywatch-barrage was perfected, and Jet’s crotch was seen by all.
Hockey-wise, both teams fought bravely with Team 2 clinically dispatching their opposition to find themselves in the quarter finals facing a P-flick competition. Despite Saarth (Vader)’s best attempts to ruin everything, Chowdhury proved his skill as a fully-armed and operational keeper and carried the team to the semis. However, luck would not be on our side as a wookiee of an umpire and a few unlucky touches would see the last chances of GKT’s chances to reach the finals slip out of our grasps.
After a pub dinner and more than a few for the road, GKT headed back with their love for TITS reinforced with carbonite. Until next year!
Freshers’ Tour (18-20 Nov)
Haggis, bagpipes, kilts, and gingers- tour this year was not to Callum Baxter’s sex dungeon, but Edinburgh, Scotland. ‘Tossing the caber’ jokes aside, we went north, and we were “so bloody naughty” (Gupta, 2011).
Disciples of GKTHC assembled at Guy’s for 8am in full ‘Wild West’ regalia, as was our theme this year. True to form, this years 1st XI proved how not cliquey they are by all dressing as Native American prostitutes, a move inspired/enforced by DJ ‘Red Spinning Disc’ Cromb. Freshers donned their cow onesies, carried £400 worth of gin onto the bus, and we were on our way. As a follower of the ‘the coach journey is the best bit’ philosophy, the next ten hours were immense. Several stops meant more members of the public were permanently scarred, and more communal ginnings were required to keep order.
Our accommodation was right in the centre of the city, with views that brought many to tears – nothing to do with room allocation drama. Having unpacked our things, command was handed over to the girls’ social secs, who had organised a lovely Chinese buffet for us ‘just down the road’. A two mile walk later, and we were scoffing chow mein like true cowboys. The night out culminated in dancing the night away with a host of spotty Scottish teenagers and some terrified looking Asian girls.
The next day, to beat the hangover, and provide a free and cultural activity for Saturday morning, it was decided that the tour freshers would run up Arthur’s Seat, a 251m volcanic rock next to Edinburgh, chased all the way by gin. Eventually, after witnessing the 1st XI (now all wearing tweed) perform a fitness test ahead of the freshers, the whole club assembled on top of the hill for scenic club photos, and to the horror of the scattered tourists, another mass ginning. After this warmup and some lunch, we played hockey against Edinburgh Medics and Vets. Naturally, we won, though the score, duration, or quality of the match is a mystery.
That evening we met up with Edinburgh at a bar, observed some drinking games, and moved onto their students union, a glass domed shopping centre serving drinks. Mr. Cromb managed his childhood dream of safe sex promotion, when he was allowed to be the ‘Safe Sex T-Rex’, and handed out more condoms than Scotland has ever seen. Battling through a maze, the club section was found and GKT boogied the night away. Except a certain fresher – a criminal who hates Edinburgh Students Union (GMC investigation looming thus anonymity maintained).
The Sunday saw a trip to Edinburgh Castle, souvenir shopping and an epic booze run, before getting back on the coach and beginning the return leg of the trip. Nine hours of debauchery followed, and the girls learned that Pringles tins are the perfect she-wee. Upon getting back to London, we finished the gin together and said our goodbyes, as DC was closed. A brave few survivors made it to the Blue Eyed Maid, where the club captain bought several bottles of wine ‘to go’ at last orders. Reports of ASBO behaviour in Guy’s Quad are probably true, and were an excellent culmination to what was a cracking tour.
GKT Men's Hockey Club 